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A side benefit of today is helping me understand why a guy who never wants a negative thing to come out of his mouth and is affirming others at ever chance is often not trusted. I had decided when I chose Christ over suicide to never add to another's pain. I wanted to be a source of hope in the life of others. Just about every time I see something worthy of affirmation I speak to it. I've always wanted to be a force opposite of what I was under for years. I see now that the "nothing but abundant affirmation" person would be feared as a manipulative salesman.

It's boring. We've seen there are other choices in the world than "one woman 💕 one man" arrangements. Men are from Mars and women are not. Viva la differance'.

What happened at the 12:20ish mark???? Your voice sped up and went silent??? I missed an important part of what you said!!! Awesome Ted talk so far!!!!

You are amazing. My daughter died and you're helping me smile again, and laugh. THANK YOU!!!

I’m curious how this fits with the problem of narcissism that Jim Wilder talks about in his book the Pandora Problem. That book addresses ow narcissism is tolerated in the church and he points to the response a healthy church would have to narcissism. Would the narcissistic person fall in the evil or foolish category? What about the divisive person that is talked about in the New Testament? Thanks for the good teaching!

There are so many churches in America where there is little to no accountability for staff. We're often the most inefficient organization on earth. Now, it takes 12 staff to do what 2 did 40 years ago! I asked for details of whom was on staff at my church two months ago, and still NO RESPONSE from Exec Pastor. And often, when someone brings needed accountability and questions, they get labeled as "toxic." That is unhealthy as well.

This is so helpful! I'm really loving this new format!

I am a bit concerned about the lost art of confronting sin. Of course we look at ourselves firstly as mentioned but sometimes getting healthy churches requires the courage to stand up to the unhealthy leaders or parishioners? Right? Throughout scripture we see clearly that these were God's people rejected by the majority for doing so. Jesus too. Of course no church is perfect! Can you speak a bit to that? Jackie

Thank you so very much

Fantastic pod! I love how you put into words what I have seen also. These keys are subtle but very telling. Really appreciate your content, Carey! I have already sent this to multiple church leaders! 😊

Amazing interview. Beth just glows and emanates enthusiasm and the Llove of Christ. Accuracy and ingenuity! So good. Making the truth not just memorable, but unforgettable. Well done, as always, Carey.

Carey, so good. I discovered all of these things in the course of my ministry. There’s a good book that fits with what you’re saying and deals mostly with the “evil“ contingent, “Antagonist in the church.” The book is very helpful for me in a very difficult time in my ministry. Your content is always excellent. I like this new format. Keep this stuff coming!

This was well done!!! Keep these coming. It's a wise way to do the podcast. Your voice is genuinely caring and it comes across in how and what you're communicating. Well done Carey!

Very helpful and affirming of decisions that must be made with toxic people. Thanks!

Wow, excellent. I think we also need teaching of this type in school for our everyday life. I have shared this with my adult children so they can learn how to avoid and handle toxic people... not just in a ministry setting, but frankly, in our lives. We each have a mission to fulfill, and by allowing toxic people into our fold, we hinder our own individual ministry. This is fantastic from an organizational perspective and also valuable on a personal level. Excellent message, Carey.

This is really helpful. Thanks!

Thank you so much, Carey. This was incredibly helpful. Especially as we are in the hiring process.

Thank you for this concise over view of a difficult topic. Thanks for including talking about evil people. The truth that most good hearted people think that others are just like them is a very true dynamic. Sometimes it's hard to see evil coming because they are master manipulators and do something called mirroring. I think the best way to spot truly evil people is to listen to your intuition and not shut it off because you don't want to be judgemental. The second is looking for there mask to slip. The third can be hard to spot if you're in top leadership is those who "kiss up and kick down". Basically they are two different people with two faces. I've had misfortune of having evil people people (usually Narcissistic behaviors or out right NPD) destroy me from the inside out before doing "the discard" in a Christian College and in a Christian Ministry. They can sneak in and do so much damage the worst part was not being truly believed not being protected. Their behavior will not be consistent and the way they treat others will not be consistent. Evil people aren't awful to everybody. They play their hand carefully. They are "wise in their evilness"

Thank you, Carey! I am in the process of being hired as a marketing and communications manager at a new church with almost all of these toxic traits and it's been troubling for me to want this role. I've been in ministry for almost 17 years and this is has been some of the best advice I've heard in a very long time. I look forward to all your podcast episodes!

Super helpful. Thank you sir!

So helpful!!

Amazing!!!!!!!!!! Keep’em coming!!!!!!!!

Thanks Carey! I find the podcasts with just you even better than the others. These are much shorter and to the point, which makes them more sharable also. Please keep doing them! (This one was particularly useful to me since as a relatively young leader I have sometimes been naïve about people).

Outstanding! Thank you for this valuable episode.

WOW! 👏👏👏👏👏

The thrill is gone and freshness has gone stale. People stop putting in the work and no longer make an effort.

I’m of the understanding that not all believers were apprentices. That apprentices were selected and were trained to be apostles. Not everyone can live the life of apprentice due to work, family, and responsibilities.

A big fan of Ken Blanchard and Randy Conley. I was blessed to be part of their book launch team for their book Simple Truths of Leadership: 52 ways to be a servant leader and build trust. Everyday you develop more strength for the depths of your roots, grow more branches to reach more, and bloom with the fruits of your work to feed many. Incredible men, work and influencers in modeling the importance of the critical core values. Great podcast!

John and Tim Hawkins and Nate Bargatz and Leanne Morgan are my favorites.

Seems to me that if I wasn't a "moral failure" then I would not have NEEDED Jesus to save me; my heart was/is deceitful and I need Him EVERY HOUR!

Russell Moore, shocking that you would dare to speak after what you did to the southern Baptist convention. Especially, as I understand from John Whitehead interviews the two letters you released to do damage that apparently weren’t quite accurate.

Wildly good

Great episode. Thanks for putting it together.

What a privilege to hear from these men of wisdom in this way - thanks @Carey for bringing this conversation.

Celebrate Recovery helped me become honest as a human being, a woman and a Jesus Follower. I saw John at Trevecca University in Nashville several years before anything "came out" about his addiction problems. I'm very glad he is in recovery every day.

A lot of people lead to feed their ego not necessarily to be the hands and feet of Jesus.

I noticed that difference when I went out of ministry back into the business world. In ministry we hum and haw and say I’ll get back to you. In business, it’s yes or no, bye.

Very interesting timing for me and your conversation, Carey, because I was doing some personal investigation regarding AI chat bots. Please know that I am 73, a retired pastor, non profit professional, and business executive. I received a DM through X regarding my interests in golf. I was posting a lot because of the US Open plus other golf involvements. The person (supposedly a woman) wanted to know if I would help her understand the game. I said sure. That started a week long conversation on a million things, and I quickly concluded that it was a chat bot, who was after something. I played along to experience this. The experience was very real at times. The big problem was that they were trying to defraud me of money. I was just concerned that people would be taken advantage by this technology. There is also another version called “flirting.” There are platforms wanting you to connect with people (really chat bots) and they charge you for every conversation on their platform. I could see a lonely person paying lots of money to have a conversation with someone, not knowing it is a chat bot. Dangerous stuff! I am concerned about vulnerable seniors, but anyone could be vulnerable. Sad.

Just wondering though how you deal with being disciplined when your dealing with chaotic events. For instance, I started eating really bad because I was pregnant and my husband got cancer. There was no way I could really discipline my eating while going to cancer treatments with him then nursing a new baby. Then after that he had to go through a bone marrow transfer during 2020 covid crisis. I worked tremendous hours as an architect and 2 kids at home who couldn't go to school because of the pandemic. Therefore I couldn't lose the baby weight and gained even more weight. How do you still have discipline under crisis? And how do you reestablish good habits after crisis? Once you have destroyed your good habits because being under crisis. I would LOVE podcast on this. This is what I am dealing with right now.

"like and subscribe ..... like and subscribe...." sounds just like the secular world.

The butthurt catholics

Thanks for sharing these good insights. Swimming is my mini-vacation, and I can see in light of what you shared that it is important for me to keep that as a priority.

We all have made mistakes, as long as we have learned our lessons thru the mistakes and asked for Forgiveness from the Lord, He will Wash our slate white as snow!! We can use our testimony to help others!

thanks carey

You're talking like we are out of the traumatic experience. Like it's all over. There's still a LOT STILL GOING ON GLOBALLY!!! And it's going to get worse (externally) and the uncertainty is climbing! And it's 2024 now!

I feel like I so much from your channel, Carey...Love this! I think we all have so many self protective mechanisms that limit us because of past hurts. It would help if we allow the Holy Spirit to make us intentional about diligently warring against our weaknesses..

As the only Evangelical in our small group of Counselors discussing ways to aid people with mental and emotional distress, I hoped to find one or two friendly voices. The support came from a very surprising source; the former President of the APA, and a well known Atheist. After several heated exchanges, Dr. Mowrer, said, “I agree with Gary. I am not a Christian or religious at all, but I have studied psychology and counseling for decades. I have concluded that the early Christian church was the most powerful healing community the world has ever seen. It began in the middle of some of the most brutal and evil practices of slavery in history but when people joined those churches their lives changed dramatically.’ I had never heard anyone say such a thing in my life as ac believer. I returned to my university position dedicated to do my best to encourage churches to be healing growth communities. That requires us to equip every member to relate with the mercy, grace, and truth of God.

RM is one of the reasons the SBC is in the condition it is in. He proved to be a progressive. He destroyed the meaning of ethics.

I think it should be said that he makes sure to note SHE started the direct messaging and SHE did so with great frequency - so much so that he brought it up to his wife. Somehow it spiraled to the point where a friend of hers had to confront him over it. When all was said and done, she kind of comes off as the "bad guy" and he received a standing ovation and is thought of as brave and humble. Maybe this is all true but maybe it's more deflection and spin however subtle. I think we've learned to question more because we've been manipulated so many times by people in power.

Carey how do l contact you directly?